


liminal

by inretrograde



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, also cussing is involved be warned, i planned for this to be a drabble but it turned into 4k words, lapslock, small amount of pining, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inretrograde/pseuds/inretrograde
Summary: liminal: of or relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.or: the moments in between that start a change





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is i, the one who breaks things into too many paragraphs and does not know how to write and uses so much repitition, i am back
> 
> ok this supposed to be small moments in relationships and thats what i planNED TO DO at first but i went way off but like also i can't rewrite the whole thing especially not since i rarely get the motivation to write a full story and this was one of those rare times so i'm sorry if this makes no sense fjdslfk ;; so i changed the summary lmao to fit it more

i.

 

jaebum finds jackson in the library asleep on a table far in the back and the brunette honestly doesn’t know what to do. he’s barely known this boy for a month, meeting the loud bubbly blonde when jinyoung introduced his boyfriend mark to jaebum and hong kong native just came as a given, and this is the first time he’s been alone with the blonde.

 

so after much hesitation of whether to leave the other boy alone or wake him jaebum decides for the latter and shakes jackson by the shoulder and whispers his name until the blonde wakes up, bleary eyed and confused. jackson looks up at jaebum as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes, “hyung?”

 

jaebum coughs and tries not to let the sight of a soft, sleepy jackson affect him too much because as much as jaebum is lonely from not dating anyone in almost 2 years and as much as jackson is cute (like _really, really_ cute) jaebum has only known the other for 2 weeks and they've barely actually talked to each other, just when jinyoung or mark is around.

 

“you were, uh, sleeping on the textbook so i thought i would wake you,” and jaebum sees the realization in jackson eyes and the blonde starts blushing. _cute_ , jaebum thinks before he can stop himself.

 

“oh! uh, thanks,” jackson laughs shyly, a far contrast from his loud, bright personality and jaebum finds it endearing, “studying can get kinda boring sometimes you know? you wanna join me? ah! only if you’re not busy or anything.”

 

jaebum nods with an understanding smile on his face, finding jackson’s rambling cute, and pulls a chair to sit down next to jackson while the other gets back to studying calculus, but not before shooting jaebum a pleasantly surprised smile.

 

and jaebum is usually an awkward person, always fidgeting and wondering what to say with acquaintances, but he can’t deny how oddly comfortable he is with the silence that’s between them.

 

ii.

 

“jaebum-hyung!” jaebum hears and he sighs as he turns to face the voice. it’s jackson. they've gotten a lot closer the past few weeks to jinyoung and mark's amusement. the shorter comes bounding up to jaebum and he braces himself for the hug or crash or whatever physical contact jackson always does.

 

but instead jackson stops short and just stands in front of jaebum and jaebum does _not_ feel disappointed. not in the slightest.

 

“jackson,” jaebum responds once jackson has come to a full stop and he has to avert his eyes to the brightness that is called jackson’s smile. the younger suddenly grabs jaebum’s arm and pulls him towards  _somewhere_ and jaebum starts protesting.

 

“oh shush jaebum-hyung! i’m taking you to that new place that opened up since it’s lunch time and i want to try it out and i know you have nothing to do and i have no one to go with. jinyoung and mark are too busy making out or something and the kids are somewhere else.”

 

jaebum opens his mouth to protest again but shuts it, finding nothing to say. so he sighs as he uncharacteristically lets himself be dragged by the enigma that is jackson wang.

 

iii.

 

“please, hyung!” jackson pleads with his hands clapped together. jaebum tries to ignore the amused look jinyoung is sporting as he takes out and hands jackson his notes for chemistry with an exasperated sigh, "you better return them tomorrow."

 

jaebum also tries to ignore how his heart beats faster when he sees jackson’s face light up as the blonde takes the notebook with a "of course!" and dashes off to his class with a “thanks” hurriedly thrown over his shoulder. jaebum turns back to hear jinyoung scoff and his hand over his chest in mock hurt.

 

“i’m hurt, hyung,” and jaebum raises an eyebrow, “all these years i’ve known you and you’ve never developed a soft spot for me. i'm your best friend.”

 

jaebum chokes and feels his face heat up because jinyoung basically called him out for having a crush on jackson, which jaebum does have, but he likes to deny it and pretend he doesn't because jaebum is bad at emotions like that.

 

“i don’t have a soft spot for jackson,” jaebum mumbles and immediately regrets saying anything as he watches in horror as jinyoung’s hurt face morphs into a sly smirk. fuck.

 

“i didn’t mention jackson now did i?” and jaebum glares at jinyoung, though he knows jinyoung’s known jaebum long enough to be practically immune to jaebum’s cold glare, as he feels the heat rise to his face.

 

later that day jaebum gets a selfie from jackson with a cute smile on his face followed by a “thanks for the notes hyung! :))”. jaebum feels a smile form on his face before he can stop it and stares at the selfie for far too long than considered normal and necessary. and jaebum almost slams his head on his desk when he catches himself. instead he rests his head on his desk, because  _close enough_ , and he hopes his cold desk will help cool off his flushed face. it doesn't.

 

_fuck._

 

iv.

 

jaebum watches jackson from across the room as the loud music plays and people dance and grind against each other.

 

he tries to tramp down the feelings of jealousy burning in his veins along with the alcohol.

 

he watches with vigor as jackson laughs at what the other man, jackson’s old friend who came by to visit, the one who jackson ran to immediately once he saw him leaving jaebum at the kitchen by himself, and the one who jackson immediately hugged, says and places a hand on his arm and jaebum slightly crushes his beer can.

 

jinyoung sighs and walks over to jaebum and puts down his own can of beer, “hyung, chill, they’re just having a friendly conversation and catching up.”

 

“i know,” jaebum hisses as he whips his head around to face jinyoung. jaebum _knows,_ but that doesn’t stop him from feeling the jealousy in his gut as jackson laughs at yet another thing _henry_ says.

 

jinyoung sighs again and takes a sip from his beer, but not before mumbling over the top of the can, “from this amount of jealousy i would’ve assumed you two were dating not you sadly pining over his ass.”

 

jaebum pretends not to hear what jinyoung says as jackson, _thank god,_ finally says his goodbye to henry and bounds back to where jaebum and jinyoung are sitting.

 

“sorry about that, i just haven’t seen henry-hyung in a long time,” and jaebum nods with his eyes on the dents of his beer can, not looking jackson in the eyes. he doesn’t see jackson taking a sip of his own drink with curious eyes trained on him.

 

v.

 

jaebum doesn’t exactly know how he ended up almost cuddling on the couch with jackson. one moment jackson comes over to hang out and the next jinyoung leaves saying he’s gonna go on a date with mark (which was a lie and jaebum knows it) with a knowing smile on his face.

 

so here they are, cuddled on the couch, because jackson is an affectionate person like that, watching whatever sappy drama yugyeom probably recommended jackson to watch and jaebum knows by now that beneath that whole “wild and sexy” front jackson puts on, that he’s actually a sap and sensitive (though jaebum is too so he can't really say anything).

 

but jaebum also knows that jackson is insecure, much too insecure than jaebum thinks jackson should be considering how absolutely _amazing_ and _beautiful_ jackson wang is. jaebum is a little bit whipped he'll admit that.

 

“i wish i could have something like that,” jackson whispers from his spot, curled up next to jaebum and head on his shoulder in a way that makes jaebum’s heart go on overdrive, as they watch the main couple share a delicate, romantic kiss.

 

“but no one would ever want to date me,” jackson says quieter and jaebum’s heart breaks because jaebum would give anything to date jackson and he hates how jackson looks down on himself. he immediately pulls away from jackson and looks him in the eyes.

 

“what are you saying jackson? of course people want to date you," but jackson lets out a dry laugh as he stares at the couch cushions.

 

“why? i mean look at me. i’m short and too muscular and my face is huge and i’m loud and annoying.”

 

jaebum grabs jackson’s face with his hands and forces the younger to look him in the eyes. jaebum can see the mistiness in them and he would do anything to take that look away.

 

so he uncharacteristically pours his heart out, shows his feelings, but just a bit, “are you kidding? have you seen yourself? i’m sure half the guys would kill to have a body and face like yours. and jackson, you're amazing. i’ve never met someone so positive and loving as you. whoever you date will be one extremely lucky person so don't you dare say that about yourself,” and jaebum pretends his stomach doesn't churn uncomfortably at the thought of jackson dating someone who isn't jaebum.

 

so he let's his hands drop and focuses all his attention on the drama, willing away the burning in his cheeks. of course, he doesn't catch the way jackson is staring at him with bright red his cheeks and pink lips bitten wet and apart.

 

vi.

 

jaebum regrets this. he regrets it so much. because instead of sleeping in on a glorious saturday morning, he’s climbing up a mountain ( _hill_ , jackson calls it) at ass o’ clock when the sun hasn’t even risen yet with jackson in front of him. jaebum would never do this by himself but he guesses that’s the affect jackson has on him. he hates it.

 

“oh come on _hyung,_ ” jackson says, at least 10 feet in front of jaebum and jaebum grimaces at the mocking way jackson says it, “it isn’t that bad, you can’t be tired already.” and maybe jackson is right, because jaebum is pretty sure he would’ve done this easily in high school and he _knows_ how lazy he's gotten with working out regularly since college started. but it wasn't entirely his fault since college doesn't exactly force you to do physical education and he’s been too busy to go to the dance studio recently.

 

“well not everyone’s a goddamn national athlete now are they,” jaebum retorts as he takes a break to catch his breath. he hears jackson jog back to where jaebum is and stand next to him, bouncing on the heels of his feet.

 

“pathetic,” jackson mumbles and jaebum whips his head up to glare at jackson.

 

“i’m your _hyung_ and who the hell even climbs a goddamn mountain at the ass crack of dawn on a saturday morning anyways? i could've been sleeping right now if you hadn't barged in and forced me to do this. how did you even get in anyways? god i wish i were jinyoung right now,” jaebum says and runs a frustrated hand through his hair because, yea, maybe he's overreacting but it's mostly because of the embarrassment he feels under his skin for showing such a pathetic side to jackson.

 

but jackson purses his lips and clicks his tongue before grabbing jaebum’s arm and dragging him up the mountain, “yea, yea drama queen whatever you say. now let’s hurry and get to the top before it's too late and you can beat my ass later,” and jaebum does _not_ glance down at jackson’s ass and certainly does not think about what a nice ass the blonde has. and thighs. and arms. and face. and jaebum _really_ needs to stop.

 

they reach the top just in time because jaebum can see in the distance the sun rising. soon the dark sky melds into hues of pinks and oranges and it's beautiful.

 

“see? aren't you glad you came?” jackson says softly and jaebum nods and turns to look at jackson. his breath catches in his throat, along with his heart.

 

because if the sunrise is beautiful then what is jackson? radiant? ethereal? because the soft colors of the sky glow off jackson and his cheeks are dusted with pink and, sure, maybe he can see the bruises under jackson’s eyes from lack of proper sleep and his hair is messy because he never bothered to style it before dragging jaebum out but jaebum is so enthralled and falling in love so, so fast (though he doesn’t quite realize it yet).

 

“isn't it beautiful?” jackson asks.

 

“yea,” jaebum breathes out but he hasn't really taken his eyes off jackson. _can’t_ take his eyes off jackson.

 

jackson turns to jaebum with a smile that is brighter than the rising sun. their eyes meet as jackson leans in and puts his head on jaebum’s shoulder, shoulders touching, and that’s when jaebum finally faces the sunrise again. he hears jackson giggle for god knows what reason but jaebum finds himself smiling too. he doesn't know why. so instead he concentrates on trying not to have his body heat up from jackson’s contact. it’s impossible though because jackson is a beautiful, burning enigma and jaebum slowly finds himself burning too. it feels like a million fireworks are going off underneath jaebum's skin. it's tiring, it's amazing, it's exhilarating. 

 

but that’s just the affect that jackson has on him, jaebum guesses.

 

vii.

 

jaebum feels awkward. well, ok, maybe that isn't that out of the ordinary for jaebum usually but what _does_ make it out of the ordinary is that he’s feeling awkward with jackson. jackson, one of the few people who jaebum is comfortable with and not awkward around when there’s silence filling the air instead of small talk.

 

the two are walking to their dorms together, the sun starting to set and jaebum needs to tell jackson. tell him his feelings for him. well more like jinyoung forced jaebum to promise him that he'll ask jackson out soon. so jaebum decided today would be that day.

 

except jaebum’s palms are sweating and his body’s too hot and he's anxious and _scared._ like actually scared. scared that jackson will reject him. scared that jackson will never talk to him again. scared that jackson won’t be his friend anymore.

 

scared that he’ll lose jackson even though jaebum never really had him in the first place.

 

they’re walking side by side, and they’re so close their hands brush every so often and it sends sparks flying up jaebum’s arm. jackson’s humming, oblivious to the internal meltdown jaebum is currently having and jaebum kind of hates him for it. because while jaebum is dying inside jackson is looking at the flowers and ooh-ing at the sunset. but maybe that’s why jaebum likes jackson. because he can see the beauty in everything and everyone, including jaebum.

 

but jaebum feels their hands brush again. and again. and jaebum finally glances at jackson, who is curiously sporting a light blush right now and maybe even leaning a little more towards jaebum than necessary. ok, maybe jackson isn’t that oblivious and maybe jaebum’s feelings aren’t as unrequited as he thought. maybe.

 

but that _maybe_ is enough for jaebum so he in takes in a breath and decides to go for it. he gathers every last drop of confidence he has in his fibers and grabs jackson hand, steeling himself. jackson stops and turns around, doe eyes round and curious.

 

and all jaebum can think about right now is jackson. that's all jaebum could think about ever since he met the other. 

 

jackson, jackson, jackson.

 

“hey, jackson i-”

 

viii.

 

jaebum hears jackson’s soft giggle as the younger snuggles closer into jaebum’s side, their legs tangling as the sound of rain is quietly filling the space around them. jaebum pulls the blanket around them tighter and presses a soft kiss onto jackson’s cheek which makes the jackson curl his toes as he sips his hot chocolate.

 

it reminds him of the time jaebum had embarrassingly spilled his heart to jackson months ago, except it’s all different. jaebum can kiss jackson freely now without worry, he can pull the blonde closer knowing jackson will be fine with it, love it even. jaebum feels like he’s on cloud 9.

 

they originally planned to go on a nice date around town, visit stores, go to the amusement park (and maybe jaebum could’ve made jackson ride a rollercoaster and take delight in how jackson would cling to him), and eat at a nice restaurant, but instead seoul had decided to pour with rain today.

 

so that’s how jackson and jaebum found themselves stuck inside, cuddled up on the couch with a blanket over them and sipping hot chocolate, perfect date delayed. but if jaebum were honest, he doesn’t mind. not when jackson is pressed up against him as they share a blanket and drink their hot chocolate and mindlessly watch whatever is on the television. if jaebum were honest, he loves it. jaebum hums as he sips his hot chocolate and purposely smears whipped cream onto his lips.

 

"hey jackson," and jackson makes a sound of acknowledgement before the blonde turns to face jaebum, "i got whipped cream on my lips, will you lick it off for me?"

 

jaebum watches with interest and fondness when jackson blinks for a moment to process what jaebum said, turning red once he processes it. jackson looks down and purses his lips in embarrassment, whispering a "stop being so greasy," and jaebum feels his heart melt. 

 

"so will you?" jaebum leans back with a smirk on his face, which jackson thinks shouldn't make the brunette look that good when he has  _whipped cream_ on his goddamn face. what a dork. jackson sighs and puts his cup down before leaning forward on his hands and licking the whipped cream off jaebum's lips.

 

and jaebum is stunned.

 

he didn't think jackson would actually do it. jaebum takes a minute to snap out of it and sees jackson back in his side of the couch, casually sipping his cup with a blush on his face. once jackson puts his cup down, jaebum immediately leans towards the boy and grabs his neck, turning jackson to face him and kisses him on lips. jackson freezes in surprise for a second before looping his arms around jaebum's neck and shuffling into his lap, straddling jaebum. jaebum places his hands on jackson's waist, thumbs reaching under the other's soft sweater to feel the smooth skin underneath. jackson tastes like whipped cream, hot chocolate, and mint.

 

jaebum loves it. 

 

ix.

 

“shit,” jaebum hisses and runs a frustrated hand through his hair as he paces around his room. he feels his jaw jut out in the way that jackson and the others have always made fun of him for. but right now he can’t care because his mind is still trying to calm down from the white hot anger that went through his veins not even an hour before.

 

jaebum leans against the wall and leans back and bumps his head on it. he slides down against the wall and sits with his head hung low. he breathes in, deep and slow, willing the anger boiling in his veins to calm down. he stiffens when he hears footsteps because he _knows_ it’s jackson. he stays still as jackson slides down to sit next to him in silence. there's some shuffling before any of them speak.

 

“you didn’t have to _punch_ him,” jackson starts out quietly.

 

“i _know._ i just. i couldn’t stop myself after i heard what he called you.”

 

“i could’ve handled it myself jaebum, i could take it. i’m sensitive but it’s not like i would let one guy break me down. and i’m ripped so there’s that too,” and jaebum can’t help but let out a weak chuckle at that, “so next time if it happens, don’t worry, i can take it.”

 

jaebum sits up straight and finally looks jackson in the eyes, “no” he says and jackson looks at him confused but jaebum doesn't elaborate and only stares into jackson's eyes.

 

the deep brown jaebum loves so much shine with held back tears and jaebum hates it. hates it because their relationship was what caused this. because jackson _shouldn’t_ have to take it. he shouldn’t have to bear with insults and hate thrown at him. not when all jackson does is give. give everyone and everything his love, the benefit of the doubt, his positivity. out of everyone in the world, jackson should be the one who doesn’t have to deal with people hating on him for his personality, his looks, _the_ _people he chooses to loves_. not jackson, the one who sees the beauty in everything and everyone, and endlessly appreciates everything.

 

and jaebum loves that about jackson.

 

jaebum loves _jackson_.

 

the realization hits jaebum like a splash of cold water and he blinks a few times in surprise as he feels his heart rate speed up. jackson is looking over concerned because jaebum hasn’t spoken for a while and he waves a hand in front of the brunette’s face.

 

“hey jaebum you ok-” jackson’s words get cut off when jaebum suddenly surges forward, placing his hands on either side of jackson’s face and all jaebum says is another “no” before he crashes their lips together. jackson lets out a moan of surprise before he quickly wraps his arms around jaebum’s neck and jaebum slides his hands down to jackson waist.

 

the momentum and force of jaebum rushing onto jackson makes the shorter topple over, pulling jaebum with him as he lands on his back and jaebum on top of him. they break apart, jaebum caging jackson in with his arms and legs, panting and faces red.

 

“what was that for?” jackson asks as he looks up at jaebum with a fond smile forming on his face.

 

jaebum loves jackson. so, so much.

 

jaebum opens his mouth but the words get lodged in his throat. because what if jackson doesn’t love him back just yet? what if he thinks it’s too soon for a grand confession? what jaebum can't convey his feelings properly? jaebum almost swallows the word back down.

 

but jackson lifts his hand and places it onto jaebum’s cheek and rubs his thumb against it soothingly. and _this_ was why. why jaebum realized how much he loves jackson, because he knows jackson would be perfectly content with just staying here patiently waiting until jaebum was ready to say whatever he’s going to say. even in jaebum jackson only sees the good and accepts the bad. jaebum, who gets too heated up at the smallest things, who can get so jealous and possessive (though jaebum honestly thinks jackson enjoys it more than anything) and who is a bit clumsy and awkward at feelings and life in general but jackson is patient with that. jackson still accepts him. he always does and he loves him regardless. accepts and love jaebum, someone who has so many flaws he can't even count them all. and jaebum can’t believe he was so stupid not to realize it earlier.

 

so jaebum decides to finally not make jackson wait for once.

 

“i love you.”

 

and the emotions that flood jackson’s eyes and the four words he says back make everything worth it.

 

jackson is worth it.

 

x.

 

"hey hyung?"

 

jaebum hums in acknowledgement before turning in his chair to fully face jackson. the blonde is laying on jaebum's dorm bed and staring up at the ceiling. he twidles his thumbs before turning to look at jaebum. there's a small blush on his face.

 

"you-you wanna cuddle? ah! only if you're done with your work and studying! wouldn't want to distract you," and jaebum is so endeared he's actually scared his heart might fail because of jackson's cuteness. because affectionate and outspoken jackson is shy about wanting affection from jaebum even though he shouldn't be because jaebum could be saving the world and still stop just to give jackson the affection and love he wants.

 

jaebum gets up and walks over to his bed before settling in and wrapping his arms around jackson's waist and pulling him in close. he sees's jackson face flush in uncharacteristic shyness and the younger grabs onto the front of jaebum's shirt before burying his burning face in jaebum's neck.

 

jaebum laughs and plants kisses onto jackson's head, feeling the soft blonde locks against his lips.

 

"i love you," jaebum says softly, filled with fondness and undying love.

 

it's silent for a moment and jaebum wonders if jackson fell asleep but the other speaks up.

 

"why?"

 

"what do you mean why?"

 

"why do you love me?" jackson finally lifts his head from jaebum's neck and jaebum is speechless. jackson's embarrassed expression has been replaced by one of insecurity and vulnerability. jaebum hates it. hates it because this shouldn't be jackson. jackson should be confident, lively, amazing.

 

jackson continues, "why did you choose to love me? why did you fall in love with me when you could've fallen for anyone else. anyone else in seoul, in korea, in the world. someone better," jackson's voice turns into a shaky whisper, "so why me?"

 

jaebum hates how small jackson sounds, so uncertain. he moves his head so that their foreheads touch and he takes jackson's hand and intertwines their fingers. jackson looks at their intertwined hands and then back to jaebum, "i chose you because you're  _you_ ," and jaebum usually never says sappy things like this out loud, only in his lyrics and those rare times he can't hold it in but jackson needs to hear them, "the you who makes jokes and laughs all the time. the you who is amazing at comforting and inspiring people. the you who is so hardworking and will overwork himself just so others won't have to work as hard. the you who comforts mark or bambam whenever they get homesick. the you whose smile is so bright. the you who is so beautiful and ethereal," jaebum stares into jackson's eyes, which are shining with tears.

 

jackson only nods, not being able to speak properly, but managing to mumble a "i love you, too," and buries his head back into jaebum's neck and moves closer. jaebum holds him tighter and hums a soft tune, pressing his smile into jackson's neck and rubbing soothing circles into jackson's lower back.

 

_the you who i fell in love with._

 

xi.

 

jaebum feels a weight on him as he wakes up. the weight, is of course jackson, who’s curled up on jaebum’s chest and snoring softly.

 

jaebum smiles softly and reaches a hand up to run his fingers through the younger’s soft blonde locks. jackson shifts on his chest and jaebum’s afraid he accidentally woke the other up but jackson soon settles back down and goes back to snoring.

 

jaebum lets jackson lay there and sleep for a few more minutes before jaebum kind of needs to go bathroom and also he kind of can't really breathe. so he moves his head down and places kisses on the crown of jackson’s head, making the other rouse and wake up.

 

jackson raises his head and rubs the sleep from his eyes, and it reminds jaebum of one of the first times they talked alone, in that library, except now it’s even better, with jackson in his arms and in reach.

 

jaebum smiles, the kinds of smiles that make his eyes turn into crescents and the kinds that he knows makes jackson weak and flush because he finds it cute. jackson does flush but he smiles back, a dazzling smile that only jackson has.

 

“good morning, sunshine.”

 

jackson smiles and rolls off jaebum, landing in a starfish position and stares up at the ceiling. jaebum chuckles and moves so he's laying on his side, head propped up with his hand before he leans in to place a kiss on jackson's lips and the younger squirms and giggles and pushes the older away, exclaiming, "ew! you have morning breath!"

 

jaebum chuckles again as he pulls away and gets up and out of bed, stretching, showing an expanse of skin he knows jackson is staring at. "where are you going?" jackson asks, still laying on the bed and staring at him, making no move to get up.

 

"to go brush my teeth and go bathroom," jaebum says with a grin.

 

"so we can kiss later?"

 

"so we can kiss later."

**Author's Note:**

> so the original summary was "the small moments in between the big ones" but after writing it out i went way off so i changed the summary to fit more....but thank u for reading and i hope u enjoyed my messy writing....also i edit all my own things so if there are mistakes sorry!! (also let me know aha)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!! :))


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